Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Shameful Miscalculation of the Day:-
Yesterday I went for an interview with a well known cultural heritage body (not Kelly Brook sadly), as a part-time heritage shiriff. My qualifications and experience were more than enough, and it should have been a breeze - but then - I did something very stupid I TURNED UP AT THE INTERVIEW. It had all been going so well up to this point. Worse, I tried to be witty and charming, my anti-pheremones kicked in and they looked at me with a combination of revulsion and pity.
Did a Dan again.
Rant of the Day:-
Natasha Kaplinsky of Breakfast TV looks like an evil owl. Trust me look at her properly.
Song Lyric of the Day:-
Living one step at a time,
Putting one foot in front of the other sure feels fine.
Healing on my mind.
Been a long way, been a long way to the light.
(Mike Scott)
Book stuff of the Day:-
For those who wished to know more of Hugo Rune -
He had known many previous incarnations. And then some.
He had walked the Earth as Nostradamus, Uther Pendragon, Count Cagliostro and Rodrigo Borgia. Although probably not in that order.
He spoke seventeen languages, played darts with the Dalai Lama and shared his sleeping bag with Rasputin, Albert Einstein, Lawrence of Arabia and George Formby.
He was worshipped as a god by an East Acton cargo cult and once scaled Everest in a smoking jacket and plus-fours to win a bet with Oscar Wilde.
He travelled to Venus in the company of George Adamsky, reinvented the ocarina and was burned in effigy by the Chiswick Townswomens Guild.
He was an expert swordsman, a gourmet chef, a world traveller, poet, painter, stigmatist, guru to gurus and hater of Russ Abbott.
He could open a tin of sardines with his teeth, strike a Swan Vesta on his chin, rope steers, drive a steam locomotive and hum all the works of Gilbert and Sullivan without becoming confused or breaking down into tears.
He won a first at Oxford, squandered three fortunes, made love to a thousand women, imbibed strange drugs, sold his soul for Rock 'n' Roll, almost pipped Einstein for the Nobel Prize, was barred from every Chinese noodle parlour in West London and died penniless, at a Hastings boarding-house in his ninetieth year. He penned more than eight million words. His autohagiography, The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, chronicles the life of an individual who shunned the everyday, scorned the laws of ordinary man, and laughed in the face of convention.
His name was Hugo Artenis Solon Saturnicus Reginald Arthur Rune. And he was never bored.
He was a character in an age of characters. An exaggerated shadow cast in the fashionable places of his day. The confidante of kings and criminals, popes and prize- fighters, lighthouse keepers and lingerie salesmen, boffins and bikers.
AND he was nearly as wise as Dan Hebert (Hebert Rune) with the combined wisdom and innocence of a Shoogie master.
Gibber of the Day:-
Bit of a classic this week further illustrating inappropriate humour - Hungover. Leaning my head against the urinal wall, holding the apparatus and waiting for 'fluid transfer' to commence, I was joined at the trough by a rather posh senior colleague. "Resting your head eh?" he enquired, to which I replied "no, I'm waiting for him to do some work". I found this amusing. He did not.
Ho Hum
only 4 working days left to freedom, I wonder how this endeavour will end.
Love and hugs
Dan
Yesterday I went for an interview with a well known cultural heritage body (not Kelly Brook sadly), as a part-time heritage shiriff. My qualifications and experience were more than enough, and it should have been a breeze - but then - I did something very stupid I TURNED UP AT THE INTERVIEW. It had all been going so well up to this point. Worse, I tried to be witty and charming, my anti-pheremones kicked in and they looked at me with a combination of revulsion and pity.
Did a Dan again.
Rant of the Day:-
Natasha Kaplinsky of Breakfast TV looks like an evil owl. Trust me look at her properly.
Song Lyric of the Day:-
Living one step at a time,
Putting one foot in front of the other sure feels fine.
Healing on my mind.
Been a long way, been a long way to the light.
(Mike Scott)
Book stuff of the Day:-
For those who wished to know more of Hugo Rune -
He had known many previous incarnations. And then some.
He had walked the Earth as Nostradamus, Uther Pendragon, Count Cagliostro and Rodrigo Borgia. Although probably not in that order.
He spoke seventeen languages, played darts with the Dalai Lama and shared his sleeping bag with Rasputin, Albert Einstein, Lawrence of Arabia and George Formby.
He was worshipped as a god by an East Acton cargo cult and once scaled Everest in a smoking jacket and plus-fours to win a bet with Oscar Wilde.
He travelled to Venus in the company of George Adamsky, reinvented the ocarina and was burned in effigy by the Chiswick Townswomens Guild.
He was an expert swordsman, a gourmet chef, a world traveller, poet, painter, stigmatist, guru to gurus and hater of Russ Abbott.
He could open a tin of sardines with his teeth, strike a Swan Vesta on his chin, rope steers, drive a steam locomotive and hum all the works of Gilbert and Sullivan without becoming confused or breaking down into tears.
He won a first at Oxford, squandered three fortunes, made love to a thousand women, imbibed strange drugs, sold his soul for Rock 'n' Roll, almost pipped Einstein for the Nobel Prize, was barred from every Chinese noodle parlour in West London and died penniless, at a Hastings boarding-house in his ninetieth year. He penned more than eight million words. His autohagiography, The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, chronicles the life of an individual who shunned the everyday, scorned the laws of ordinary man, and laughed in the face of convention.
His name was Hugo Artenis Solon Saturnicus Reginald Arthur Rune. And he was never bored.
He was a character in an age of characters. An exaggerated shadow cast in the fashionable places of his day. The confidante of kings and criminals, popes and prize- fighters, lighthouse keepers and lingerie salesmen, boffins and bikers.
AND he was nearly as wise as Dan Hebert (Hebert Rune) with the combined wisdom and innocence of a Shoogie master.
Gibber of the Day:-
Bit of a classic this week further illustrating inappropriate humour - Hungover. Leaning my head against the urinal wall, holding the apparatus and waiting for 'fluid transfer' to commence, I was joined at the trough by a rather posh senior colleague. "Resting your head eh?" he enquired, to which I replied "no, I'm waiting for him to do some work". I found this amusing. He did not.
Ho Hum
only 4 working days left to freedom, I wonder how this endeavour will end.
Love and hugs
Dan
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Rant of the Day:-
1) Oh yes, we have new made up science through the medium of advertising. The new Vileda super-mop contains something described as "collect-tex" within its fibres to pick up more germs. Maybe I'm wrong, but this sounds like bollocks to me.
2) Evil facist policies to imprison people without trial. I'm all for strict draconian measures to punish the terrorist, but the kind of law that this Blairite Junta are proposing cheapens our society and the freedoms of which we are rightly proud. This means that the terrorists have succeeded in the terror. In exceptional circumstances in history the right of habeas corpus has been suspended, but I think that if telephone tapping or other intercept evidence by which these suspects are accused is the main evidence, then it should be admissable as evidence in court. Surely this is less damaging to our rights than the suspension of habeas corpus. Why don't the politicians do it? - well I think that they have more than a few skeletons in their own closets caught on phone tap and are soiling themselves about the consequences of such a law. Bastards.
Song Lyric of the Day:-
Last night as I lay sleeping
Dreamed I came awake
To realise,I had slept
My lifetime all away.
(TMTCH)
Literary Quote of the Day:-
I love this one!!!!
During my travels across the Siberian Steppes, some years ago, I chanced upon a team of Russian paeleontologists, who were clearly in a state of heightened exuberence. Apparently, an unseasonable deluge had washed away a section of river bank, exposing the perfectly preserved carcass of a wooly mammoth. The beast was frozen in a running posture and looked as fresh as the proverbial daisy. The Russian greybeards were quite beside themselves with glee, considering this to be the find of the century. Somehow, they had got it into their heads that this specimen was at least fifteen thousand years old.
I introduced myself, and upon learning my identity they naturally begged me to examine their treasure and offer an authoritative opinion.
I was pleased to do so, having nothing else planned for the morning. I perused the beast and proclaimed that it was indeed a woolly mammoth, of the genus Mammothus primigenius. And that it had been dead for at least half hour!
The woolly mammoth, I explained to them, is a burrowing animal, which lives exclusively beneath the ground and is very common in these parts. It tunnels with it's enormous tusks and dies instantly on it's exposure to sunlight.
'You have a nice fresh one here', I told them, 'and it would be a shame to waste it.'
Without further ado I had my servants haul the carcass back to the village where I was staying and get the fire stoked up.
The greybeards made a quite unnecessary fuss about this, and I was forced to employ my stout stick. With typical bad taste they did not attend the barbecue.
The words of Hugo Rune. Robert Rankin.
Gibber of the Day:-
Todays Theme is my very poor alleged sense of humour. Many, many times in my life this has got me in to trouble, here are three of the myriad examples.
1) Last week, while driving to a Site in Wales, a female colleague asked if we could be quiet as she had to phone her gran in Canada. "Hmm" I said, "a tasty older lady is she - Gggrrrr" to which my colleague replied "she's an elderly, very proper Jewish lady", to which I replied "don't worry, I'll be Gentile with her". This did not go down too well.
2) My first job working for the company I am currently with. Picture the scene - baking hot summer's day, July 1995, my first day on site. I'm digging away at a feature which is far larger than it appeared on the surface, and I've shifted a fair bit of earth. A lady came up behind me, I presumed that she was a humble digger such as myself. She begins with an exclamation - "oooooh thats good, mmmm you're going much deeper than anyone else". I laughed uncontrolably, and she said in a totally straight voice, "hi, I'm ---- ---, I'm the site director". This did not go down well.
3) At the bank. Its september 2004. I'm in trouble, they've caught up with me at last. All those times I claimed I needed a couple of hundred for a suit and some shoes for an interview have at last come back to haunt me. They've CHECKED THEIR RECORDS, and either Imelda Marcos is sharing my account or I've pissed it up the wall. The austere lady at the bank says "look Dan, all these times you make a withdrawl on a Friday and Saturday night - one of these days you may suprise yourself and leave a deposit". I laughed. This did not go down well.
Ho Hum. Hope life is well with one and all.
Love and Hugs
Dan
1) Oh yes, we have new made up science through the medium of advertising. The new Vileda super-mop contains something described as "collect-tex" within its fibres to pick up more germs. Maybe I'm wrong, but this sounds like bollocks to me.
2) Evil facist policies to imprison people without trial. I'm all for strict draconian measures to punish the terrorist, but the kind of law that this Blairite Junta are proposing cheapens our society and the freedoms of which we are rightly proud. This means that the terrorists have succeeded in the terror. In exceptional circumstances in history the right of habeas corpus has been suspended, but I think that if telephone tapping or other intercept evidence by which these suspects are accused is the main evidence, then it should be admissable as evidence in court. Surely this is less damaging to our rights than the suspension of habeas corpus. Why don't the politicians do it? - well I think that they have more than a few skeletons in their own closets caught on phone tap and are soiling themselves about the consequences of such a law. Bastards.
Song Lyric of the Day:-
Last night as I lay sleeping
Dreamed I came awake
To realise,I had slept
My lifetime all away.
(TMTCH)
Literary Quote of the Day:-
I love this one!!!!
During my travels across the Siberian Steppes, some years ago, I chanced upon a team of Russian paeleontologists, who were clearly in a state of heightened exuberence. Apparently, an unseasonable deluge had washed away a section of river bank, exposing the perfectly preserved carcass of a wooly mammoth. The beast was frozen in a running posture and looked as fresh as the proverbial daisy. The Russian greybeards were quite beside themselves with glee, considering this to be the find of the century. Somehow, they had got it into their heads that this specimen was at least fifteen thousand years old.
I introduced myself, and upon learning my identity they naturally begged me to examine their treasure and offer an authoritative opinion.
I was pleased to do so, having nothing else planned for the morning. I perused the beast and proclaimed that it was indeed a woolly mammoth, of the genus Mammothus primigenius. And that it had been dead for at least half hour!
The woolly mammoth, I explained to them, is a burrowing animal, which lives exclusively beneath the ground and is very common in these parts. It tunnels with it's enormous tusks and dies instantly on it's exposure to sunlight.
'You have a nice fresh one here', I told them, 'and it would be a shame to waste it.'
Without further ado I had my servants haul the carcass back to the village where I was staying and get the fire stoked up.
The greybeards made a quite unnecessary fuss about this, and I was forced to employ my stout stick. With typical bad taste they did not attend the barbecue.
The words of Hugo Rune. Robert Rankin.
Gibber of the Day:-
Todays Theme is my very poor alleged sense of humour. Many, many times in my life this has got me in to trouble, here are three of the myriad examples.
1) Last week, while driving to a Site in Wales, a female colleague asked if we could be quiet as she had to phone her gran in Canada. "Hmm" I said, "a tasty older lady is she - Gggrrrr" to which my colleague replied "she's an elderly, very proper Jewish lady", to which I replied "don't worry, I'll be Gentile with her". This did not go down too well.
2) My first job working for the company I am currently with. Picture the scene - baking hot summer's day, July 1995, my first day on site. I'm digging away at a feature which is far larger than it appeared on the surface, and I've shifted a fair bit of earth. A lady came up behind me, I presumed that she was a humble digger such as myself. She begins with an exclamation - "oooooh thats good, mmmm you're going much deeper than anyone else". I laughed uncontrolably, and she said in a totally straight voice, "hi, I'm ---- ---, I'm the site director". This did not go down well.
3) At the bank. Its september 2004. I'm in trouble, they've caught up with me at last. All those times I claimed I needed a couple of hundred for a suit and some shoes for an interview have at last come back to haunt me. They've CHECKED THEIR RECORDS, and either Imelda Marcos is sharing my account or I've pissed it up the wall. The austere lady at the bank says "look Dan, all these times you make a withdrawl on a Friday and Saturday night - one of these days you may suprise yourself and leave a deposit". I laughed. This did not go down well.
Ho Hum. Hope life is well with one and all.
Love and Hugs
Dan
