Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Rant of the Day:-
1) Who decided that stuff that tastes nice or gets you whammed should be bad for you. To me the ideal diet would be steak and cider all day every day, interspersed with the annual christmas dinner, sporadic gresy fry ups, and the occassional kebab. If you ask me stuff tastes nice for a reason. We like it cos our tastes buds and other senses like it, they are designed to keep us alive, therefore, being the size of a hippo and a rosey nosed drunk is clearly what my system believes will help me survive best. Who knows, may be some of those religions are right and we keep our bodies in the next life - what if you arrive there in a time of famine? be glad of a few extra pounds then eh? see you through the worst of it.
2) Closely akin to rebranding is the misuse of words that changes their meaning and cheapens them. 'Wicked' for example now means quite cool, and as for George Bush and using soft words to hide words like 'death' and 'innocent civilians' etc. Don't get me started on the gesticulating wufta Tony Blair either. As for that Mandelson, what a little turd.
3) George Bush looks like a monkey.
Song Lyric of the Day:-
A silent fool may still be wise
There's no way you can tell
Or an empty soul with a full opinion
They're still beautiful people to me
(Stuart Adamson, Big Country - Beautiful People)
Gibber of the Day:-
You'll Love this one, not only is the party to be called Jack and Dans Pink Party, but jerome has now devised a new game that he wants everyone to play. Its called 'Ass Wars' and while many of you will suspect that this involves enraging a donkey and charging it towards a similarly sross mule, you are mistaken. 'Ass Wars' basically consists of standing back to back with your adversary and leaning forward, on the mark you must try to push one another over using only buttock power. He wants the finalists to do this naked. As the Great Man himself would say. Lordy Lordy.
Went up to scotland at the weekend, very nice. Drank Wilkins Somerset Scrumpy in the walled garden and watched the dawn. Walked a bit, cut a bit of grass, nearly lost a foot, came back. Conituing the scottish theme, have a crack at this bad boy
http://www.bashthehaggis.com/
Quite amusing.
Better go, supposed to be working, sorry about the unenlightened political views.
Dan
GOT IT
Its come to me in a blinding flash, abolish the government and give the monarchy back direct rule. With the Queen taking over the role of Prime Minister, other cabinet roles would be:-
Prince Charles - Deputy Prime Minister
Prince William - Deputy Deputy Prime Minister
Prince Philip - Foriegn Office
Prince Harry - Defence and Deputy, Deputy, Deputy, Prime Minister
There you go, a sensible policy for a happier Britain
1) Who decided that stuff that tastes nice or gets you whammed should be bad for you. To me the ideal diet would be steak and cider all day every day, interspersed with the annual christmas dinner, sporadic gresy fry ups, and the occassional kebab. If you ask me stuff tastes nice for a reason. We like it cos our tastes buds and other senses like it, they are designed to keep us alive, therefore, being the size of a hippo and a rosey nosed drunk is clearly what my system believes will help me survive best. Who knows, may be some of those religions are right and we keep our bodies in the next life - what if you arrive there in a time of famine? be glad of a few extra pounds then eh? see you through the worst of it.
2) Closely akin to rebranding is the misuse of words that changes their meaning and cheapens them. 'Wicked' for example now means quite cool, and as for George Bush and using soft words to hide words like 'death' and 'innocent civilians' etc. Don't get me started on the gesticulating wufta Tony Blair either. As for that Mandelson, what a little turd.
3) George Bush looks like a monkey.
Song Lyric of the Day:-
A silent fool may still be wise
There's no way you can tell
Or an empty soul with a full opinion
They're still beautiful people to me
(Stuart Adamson, Big Country - Beautiful People)
Gibber of the Day:-
You'll Love this one, not only is the party to be called Jack and Dans Pink Party, but jerome has now devised a new game that he wants everyone to play. Its called 'Ass Wars' and while many of you will suspect that this involves enraging a donkey and charging it towards a similarly sross mule, you are mistaken. 'Ass Wars' basically consists of standing back to back with your adversary and leaning forward, on the mark you must try to push one another over using only buttock power. He wants the finalists to do this naked. As the Great Man himself would say. Lordy Lordy.
Went up to scotland at the weekend, very nice. Drank Wilkins Somerset Scrumpy in the walled garden and watched the dawn. Walked a bit, cut a bit of grass, nearly lost a foot, came back. Conituing the scottish theme, have a crack at this bad boy
http://www.bashthehaggis.com/
Quite amusing.
Better go, supposed to be working, sorry about the unenlightened political views.
Dan
GOT IT
Its come to me in a blinding flash, abolish the government and give the monarchy back direct rule. With the Queen taking over the role of Prime Minister, other cabinet roles would be:-
Prince Charles - Deputy Prime Minister
Prince William - Deputy Deputy Prime Minister
Prince Philip - Foriegn Office
Prince Harry - Defence and Deputy, Deputy, Deputy, Prime Minister
There you go, a sensible policy for a happier Britain
Monday, July 12, 2004
Rant of the Day:-
Rant of the day is now to be known as comment of the day, and as such forms the first subject of ranting for today. Re-branding, why? Did marathons taste any less like monkey poo because they got called snickers? Did windscale become any less dangerous after they changed its name to sellafield? Don’t see the point in it all, corporate trickery
Oh, and the horrible busy ants, who scurry around barging each other out of the way and being rude to each other when I'm trying to get from A to B on the tube. I'm offened by the lack of humanity, would it really kill people to wait for others to get on first, or help the elderly with cases, and as for you Mr suit worker ant, with your copy of the financial times and blue silk tie - you know who you are, it is not the end of the world if you dont get a seat, some people merit it more than you, horrible man, do you I wonder offer your seat to others at garden parties in Esher?
Song Lyric of the Day:-
Todays song lyric is a piece of vitriolic spleen against the European Union and most particularly the Common Agricultural Policy (C.A.P.), conceived by meself on a during a drunken train journey when I was having a silent seethe and private rant against changes to the countryside brought about by EU policies. It should be song to the tune of Cap In Hand by the proclaimers, a rabid anti-English song by the only two brothers uglier than the Nevilles (of Man Utd and England). It is rather unoriginally called C.A.P. In Hand, and the form and chorus of the song remain the same. If you like the EEC look away now.
I think it’s the worst plan that there’s ever been
And the worst waste of money that I’ve ever seen
I can see the mountains of grain and of butter
And the rural ruin makes me sigh and shudder
And I can’t understand why we let someone else rule our land
C.A.P. in hand
I hate the Euro it gives me a fright
And I want me cider to be served in a pint
Why do they think café culture is holy
I like our pubs and the game of Aunt Sally
And I can’t understand why we let someone else rule our land
C.A.P. in hand
We’ve fought, when they’ve forced us
Now we've joined their Euro Union
Now we beg for the crumbs from it
And whats it really really, whats it really really, whats it really really worth?
I did once think that it would all be alright
Only took me a week before I saw the light
Now Tony Don’t you see that it all is quite hopeless
Go stand in the queue with the 2 million jobless
Cos I can’t understand how you’ve let someone else rule our land
C.A.P. in hand
Do you think they'll make me an honourary Clayton now?
Gibber of the Day:-
The Chicken Lunch Diaries, volume 26
05:30 : Drunk and still drinking, had to give up playing monopoly when Jerome forgot which way around the board to move, then dropped his properties all over the floor and accused me of stealing them. Again. He still managed to win £20 of me at turnovers, which sounds nasty but is a card game, theoretically all down to chance, unless you play it with Jerome.
08:00 :- Rufus wakes me up to go and collect some tables from Denchworth village Hall, as the pony club have stolen ours. I am unsure at this point whether this is a bizarre dream sequence or if I am awake. How did the pony club steal the tables, how many tables for each pony or did they carry then 1 between 2.
12:00 :- Feeling queasy, first pint tasted awful but is starting to settle, Jonathan is cross, dont know whether its me but kindly allow him to do all the work in the hope it will make him happy. Doesnt work, so I decide to tease him instead. Doesnt work either.Watching Rufus in his boat, waiting for humerous splash.
13:30 :- Nearly choke on bone found in Ham in chickenless lunch, dont understand, have another drink, am having difficulty speaking.
14:00 :- Hugh asks me some wierd bizarre question and wiggl;es his eyebrows at me, got scared and said - 'its conversations with you Hugh that remind me why I drink'. Think it may have hurt his feelings, he wiggles eyebrows once more then exits left.
14:15 :- Think members of the village hall committee may have over heard me say 'new village hall costs 320,000, 260 people in the village, why didnt we just pour a cncrete floor into the old hall and keep a cool grand and a bit each. People glaring (and wiggling eyebrows)
14:30 :- Jerome makes me have my face painted as a clown. Scare children. Have been watching Rufus in his boat like a hawk for 2 and a half hours, then he had the rudeness to fall in while I was having my face painted. GGgggrrrr gutted. But the boy did a sterling job protecting the ducks from Jerome's amorous advances.
15:00 :- starting to feel sober, start on pints of Pimms
15:30 :- Disassembling of tents etc with brother and his mates and the mighty Jonathan (whose mood has improved since he won the raffle - or maybe the teasing worked). Mr Tingley very much in charge, cant resist mild teasing, brother says f word when Pam and Daphne are behind him. They pretend they havent heard. They give me a trifle, which is stolen by a small, evil smelling springer spaniel, consider hurling said hell hound into mill pond.
16:00 :- Make humerous remark when Richard cant find his wooden tent pegs and syas 'how am I supposed to bang one in if I havent got wood'. Am mildly hysterical now, slap from brother only helps for short time as Richard folds canvas and says 'give my end a sharp tug'. It got worse.
16:30 :- In hare, bit drunk
17:30 :- In Eystons very drunk.
18:30 :- try to persuade moronically drunk brother to go freelance in archaeology with me.
19:00 :- watch drunken brother get into care piloted by mother. Look on fondly, say to landlord 'thats my brother' to which he replies 'could you ask him to bring back my pint glass next time he comes here'.
20:00 :-OOOhh the Stowford Press is working its magic. Attempt to be charming and witty.
21:00 :- Realise it was a mistke, sit down and try not to talk. Someone gives me a CD, I think its Rufus but cant remember, must try to remember to say thankyou.
22:00 :- Ed has taken over control of the evening, which is just as well as my toes and nose are going numb and my motor functions are failing
23:30 :- In Hare. Bit of a blank.
06:30 :- On sofa, wearing dinner.
And another chicken lunch goes by.
Hope you are all well.
God bless the shoogster who's living the dream
love and hugs
Dan
Rant of the day is now to be known as comment of the day, and as such forms the first subject of ranting for today. Re-branding, why? Did marathons taste any less like monkey poo because they got called snickers? Did windscale become any less dangerous after they changed its name to sellafield? Don’t see the point in it all, corporate trickery
Oh, and the horrible busy ants, who scurry around barging each other out of the way and being rude to each other when I'm trying to get from A to B on the tube. I'm offened by the lack of humanity, would it really kill people to wait for others to get on first, or help the elderly with cases, and as for you Mr suit worker ant, with your copy of the financial times and blue silk tie - you know who you are, it is not the end of the world if you dont get a seat, some people merit it more than you, horrible man, do you I wonder offer your seat to others at garden parties in Esher?
Song Lyric of the Day:-
Todays song lyric is a piece of vitriolic spleen against the European Union and most particularly the Common Agricultural Policy (C.A.P.), conceived by meself on a during a drunken train journey when I was having a silent seethe and private rant against changes to the countryside brought about by EU policies. It should be song to the tune of Cap In Hand by the proclaimers, a rabid anti-English song by the only two brothers uglier than the Nevilles (of Man Utd and England). It is rather unoriginally called C.A.P. In Hand, and the form and chorus of the song remain the same. If you like the EEC look away now.
I think it’s the worst plan that there’s ever been
And the worst waste of money that I’ve ever seen
I can see the mountains of grain and of butter
And the rural ruin makes me sigh and shudder
And I can’t understand why we let someone else rule our land
C.A.P. in hand
I hate the Euro it gives me a fright
And I want me cider to be served in a pint
Why do they think café culture is holy
I like our pubs and the game of Aunt Sally
And I can’t understand why we let someone else rule our land
C.A.P. in hand
We’ve fought, when they’ve forced us
Now we've joined their Euro Union
Now we beg for the crumbs from it
And whats it really really, whats it really really, whats it really really worth?
I did once think that it would all be alright
Only took me a week before I saw the light
Now Tony Don’t you see that it all is quite hopeless
Go stand in the queue with the 2 million jobless
Cos I can’t understand how you’ve let someone else rule our land
C.A.P. in hand
Do you think they'll make me an honourary Clayton now?
Gibber of the Day:-
The Chicken Lunch Diaries, volume 26
05:30 : Drunk and still drinking, had to give up playing monopoly when Jerome forgot which way around the board to move, then dropped his properties all over the floor and accused me of stealing them. Again. He still managed to win £20 of me at turnovers, which sounds nasty but is a card game, theoretically all down to chance, unless you play it with Jerome.
08:00 :- Rufus wakes me up to go and collect some tables from Denchworth village Hall, as the pony club have stolen ours. I am unsure at this point whether this is a bizarre dream sequence or if I am awake. How did the pony club steal the tables, how many tables for each pony or did they carry then 1 between 2.
12:00 :- Feeling queasy, first pint tasted awful but is starting to settle, Jonathan is cross, dont know whether its me but kindly allow him to do all the work in the hope it will make him happy. Doesnt work, so I decide to tease him instead. Doesnt work either.Watching Rufus in his boat, waiting for humerous splash.
13:30 :- Nearly choke on bone found in Ham in chickenless lunch, dont understand, have another drink, am having difficulty speaking.
14:00 :- Hugh asks me some wierd bizarre question and wiggl;es his eyebrows at me, got scared and said - 'its conversations with you Hugh that remind me why I drink'. Think it may have hurt his feelings, he wiggles eyebrows once more then exits left.
14:15 :- Think members of the village hall committee may have over heard me say 'new village hall costs 320,000, 260 people in the village, why didnt we just pour a cncrete floor into the old hall and keep a cool grand and a bit each. People glaring (and wiggling eyebrows)
14:30 :- Jerome makes me have my face painted as a clown. Scare children. Have been watching Rufus in his boat like a hawk for 2 and a half hours, then he had the rudeness to fall in while I was having my face painted. GGgggrrrr gutted. But the boy did a sterling job protecting the ducks from Jerome's amorous advances.
15:00 :- starting to feel sober, start on pints of Pimms
15:30 :- Disassembling of tents etc with brother and his mates and the mighty Jonathan (whose mood has improved since he won the raffle - or maybe the teasing worked). Mr Tingley very much in charge, cant resist mild teasing, brother says f word when Pam and Daphne are behind him. They pretend they havent heard. They give me a trifle, which is stolen by a small, evil smelling springer spaniel, consider hurling said hell hound into mill pond.
16:00 :- Make humerous remark when Richard cant find his wooden tent pegs and syas 'how am I supposed to bang one in if I havent got wood'. Am mildly hysterical now, slap from brother only helps for short time as Richard folds canvas and says 'give my end a sharp tug'. It got worse.
16:30 :- In hare, bit drunk
17:30 :- In Eystons very drunk.
18:30 :- try to persuade moronically drunk brother to go freelance in archaeology with me.
19:00 :- watch drunken brother get into care piloted by mother. Look on fondly, say to landlord 'thats my brother' to which he replies 'could you ask him to bring back my pint glass next time he comes here'.
20:00 :-OOOhh the Stowford Press is working its magic. Attempt to be charming and witty.
21:00 :- Realise it was a mistke, sit down and try not to talk. Someone gives me a CD, I think its Rufus but cant remember, must try to remember to say thankyou.
22:00 :- Ed has taken over control of the evening, which is just as well as my toes and nose are going numb and my motor functions are failing
23:30 :- In Hare. Bit of a blank.
06:30 :- On sofa, wearing dinner.
And another chicken lunch goes by.
Hope you are all well.
God bless the shoogster who's living the dream
love and hugs
Dan
Thursday, July 01, 2004
RANT OF THE DAY :-
The fact that I always seem to be ranting these days, I'm turning into brother Rob, he of 'don't try to make me happy when I'm happy feeling sad' fame.
And money. Ridiculous concept.
SONG LYRIC OF THE DAY:-
A few photographs of a summers day
A little boys life-time away
Is all I've left of everything we'd done
Like a pale moon in a sunny sky
Death gazes down as I pass by
To remind me that I'm but my fathers son
(must stop listening to Billy Bragg)
TODAYS CIDER INDUCED WISDOM:-
...I think will be somewhat lacking, I can feel the delusion of wisdom leaving my system along with the last vestiges of that naughty sparkling medium fermented from the fruit of the apple tree. No booze for me today.
I lingered upon the passing words of Sonya as she left the other day, she said that going to the gym everyday doesnt make the booze leave your system any quicker. Much as I would like to dispute this obviously farcical comment, ill thought out and with no scientific basis, I couldnt help remembering that George Best goes to the gym every day. Perhaps if he drank cider as well then, instead of whisky, he would be as the picture of health who writes to you today.
Got to try and get fit for the rugby season. But exercise is very dull, and it hurts.
Still got the glories of the chicken lunch to look forward to this Satdee, although sadly there will be no riggs contigent to incite drunken stupidity then quell the flames of the skittles farce with reason and comedy.
I'm bored.
Love and hugs
Dan
The fact that I always seem to be ranting these days, I'm turning into brother Rob, he of 'don't try to make me happy when I'm happy feeling sad' fame.
And money. Ridiculous concept.
SONG LYRIC OF THE DAY:-
A few photographs of a summers day
A little boys life-time away
Is all I've left of everything we'd done
Like a pale moon in a sunny sky
Death gazes down as I pass by
To remind me that I'm but my fathers son
(must stop listening to Billy Bragg)
TODAYS CIDER INDUCED WISDOM:-
...I think will be somewhat lacking, I can feel the delusion of wisdom leaving my system along with the last vestiges of that naughty sparkling medium fermented from the fruit of the apple tree. No booze for me today.
I lingered upon the passing words of Sonya as she left the other day, she said that going to the gym everyday doesnt make the booze leave your system any quicker. Much as I would like to dispute this obviously farcical comment, ill thought out and with no scientific basis, I couldnt help remembering that George Best goes to the gym every day. Perhaps if he drank cider as well then, instead of whisky, he would be as the picture of health who writes to you today.
Got to try and get fit for the rugby season. But exercise is very dull, and it hurts.
Still got the glories of the chicken lunch to look forward to this Satdee, although sadly there will be no riggs contigent to incite drunken stupidity then quell the flames of the skittles farce with reason and comedy.
I'm bored.
Love and hugs
Dan
