Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Rant of the Day:-
Right, lets cut to the chase, if you'll forgive the pun, and rant about fox hunting.
Now, I have to say now that I really dont give to much of a bugger either way, what really upsets me is the amount of parliamentary time wasted on it. I wouldnt be suprised if more time has been spent on it than trying to tackle the growing drugs problem that fuels much of the violent crime in the country. But anyway, the way I see it is:-
PROSECUTION
1) It doesnt say anything nice about society when people take their kids horseriding across the countryside in pursuit of a shit-scared fox which is then ripped to pieces by dogs.
DEFENCE
1) The scenes at Parliament Square reminded me of the miners strike - lots of angry people about to lose their livelihoods being battered by the strong arm of the law. Donkey Jacket or Barbour jacket, its all the same.
2) Halal meat is cruel, a government report shows this and says it should be banned. This will never happen as a different minority group is involved, and it would be deemed unPC.
3) The parliament act?! whats that about, its hardly a matter of national security.
4) Democracy. Fair enough. Our represntatives in parliament voted that it should be banned - democratic process right? So why when 52% of the population were against a 2nd gulf war without a UN mandate did Tony not even bother letting it go to a vote in parliament, but HE made the decision -undemocratic right?
5) I understand why in a democracy an urban majority will ultimately out vote a rural minority, but voting disparity already exists in that scottish and welsh MP's may vote on English affairs while their english counterparts cannot return the favour.
6) I've lived all my life in the countryside, and I don't feel well enough informed to have an informed opinion. Don't see how people who ent got a clue can have an educated view.
Just a few thoughts, as I say, couldn't really give a bugger to be honest. But look at France where they kill bloody everything, no one minds that do they?
Oh and another thing, while watching UKHistory with a hangover the other day I saw two adverts where you could sponsor a starving child for £2 a month and an advert where you could sponsor a former dancing bear for £3 a month. Got to have a better sense of priorities really.
Song Lyric of the Day:-
You know that I've been drunk a thousand times
And these should be the best days of my life
(The Wonder Stuff)
Rant of the Day:-
The Pink Party Diaries - Episode 2 - The day of the Party begins and The Main Event (or rugby and everything after)
09:30 - In the morning I awake, my arms, my head, my body aches, the sky outside is wet and grey, so begins another weary day. Also, for some bizarre reason, I have 'DAN MARINADE' (spelt wrong) written on both arms. Quite concerned at first I realise that Jerome has written this on my arm to remind me to prepare a marinade for the chicken for the party barbeque. Sort of like that time he wrote 'Lead Zepplin' on my maths book.
10:00 - Careless of marinade duty, I had dozed off again, only to be rudely awoken once more by Jerome shouting down the phone, I got up, then he phoned again to tell me not to bother as it was 'sorted son'.
11:00 - Silent wincing misery with rotting flatulent snakes in my belly.
12:00 - At the first drop Gym in wantage for pre-match warm up. I dont think I need to describe the pain and humiliation.
14:00 - At Witney for the Rugby. Great game, fortunately I was only super sub and didnt play. Their supporters were hurling abuse, very unBritish, they lost hahaha.
17:00 - George from the club (scored 3 tries) and his nice lady wife give me a lift to the Hare.
19:00 - I arrive the second the party is due to begin. Weather grim, battered Jerome at the gladiators thing, twice, may have over-done it, even still belting him as he plummeted to earth. Felt good. Felt guilty (for about a minute).
20:00 - had to go home and 'pink up'. Come back, have chat with the lovely Lara we confirm she is me bird.
21:00 - Place is heaving, band is loud, rugby boys battering each other in garden. I drop pint of wine and cider mix. Gutted.
23:00 - Sorry I cant recall much of last 2 hours. Jerome makes incoherent speech on microphone punctuated by the occassional YO and COOOM ON there may even have been a DUDE. I'm going to have to speak to him again.
00:00 - Lara goes home.
02:00 - I am monkeyed at this point.
03:30 - Give Jolene piggy back down village, pass out on sofa watching Lord of the rings? and enjoying a lovely cheap sherry.
SUNDAY
10:00 - Get up, play the fat ginger peirce brosnan lookylikey at squash (sorry stephen). He won. Dont agree to play squash when drunk.
12:00 - In Hare for traditional pint with Colin MacInnes
13:00 - My head is spinning already, blame age, carry on drinking 'sunday specials' (cider and coke).
14:00 - Lunch with mother in Eystons. Very Nice.
16:00 - Couple of pints with Lara. Hear Ollie have a shouting match with her mother about her sex life, it finishes with 'and anyway mummy I'm a Virgin'.
18:30 - ish. Dinner with matt and marv in Jade phallus. Followed by le Grand Beverage dans le Oak.
Dunno, 'bout 9ish - in Hare for music nite. See Kim dancing with, and indecently assualting an inflatable woman. Marv boogies with Kim and Jerome.
'bout 10ish - Having a bit of a misguided boogy, stand on Kims foot wearing stealies.
'bout 11ish - The site of Dave Clayton riding an inflatable sheep will haunt my days forever.
c.00:30 - Go home to shuffle off mortal coil.
MONDAY
09:30 - Sitting in chair at doctors. Health check. I am shaking lightly, my liver throbs, I stink of stale booze and I have cold sweat on my finger tips. The dear lady asks the question we all dread - 'how many units of alchohol do you drink a day'......................................
Love and hugs
Dan
Right, lets cut to the chase, if you'll forgive the pun, and rant about fox hunting.
Now, I have to say now that I really dont give to much of a bugger either way, what really upsets me is the amount of parliamentary time wasted on it. I wouldnt be suprised if more time has been spent on it than trying to tackle the growing drugs problem that fuels much of the violent crime in the country. But anyway, the way I see it is:-
PROSECUTION
1) It doesnt say anything nice about society when people take their kids horseriding across the countryside in pursuit of a shit-scared fox which is then ripped to pieces by dogs.
DEFENCE
1) The scenes at Parliament Square reminded me of the miners strike - lots of angry people about to lose their livelihoods being battered by the strong arm of the law. Donkey Jacket or Barbour jacket, its all the same.
2) Halal meat is cruel, a government report shows this and says it should be banned. This will never happen as a different minority group is involved, and it would be deemed unPC.
3) The parliament act?! whats that about, its hardly a matter of national security.
4) Democracy. Fair enough. Our represntatives in parliament voted that it should be banned - democratic process right? So why when 52% of the population were against a 2nd gulf war without a UN mandate did Tony not even bother letting it go to a vote in parliament, but HE made the decision -undemocratic right?
5) I understand why in a democracy an urban majority will ultimately out vote a rural minority, but voting disparity already exists in that scottish and welsh MP's may vote on English affairs while their english counterparts cannot return the favour.
6) I've lived all my life in the countryside, and I don't feel well enough informed to have an informed opinion. Don't see how people who ent got a clue can have an educated view.
Just a few thoughts, as I say, couldn't really give a bugger to be honest. But look at France where they kill bloody everything, no one minds that do they?
Oh and another thing, while watching UKHistory with a hangover the other day I saw two adverts where you could sponsor a starving child for £2 a month and an advert where you could sponsor a former dancing bear for £3 a month. Got to have a better sense of priorities really.
Song Lyric of the Day:-
You know that I've been drunk a thousand times
And these should be the best days of my life
(The Wonder Stuff)
Rant of the Day:-
The Pink Party Diaries - Episode 2 - The day of the Party begins and The Main Event (or rugby and everything after)
09:30 - In the morning I awake, my arms, my head, my body aches, the sky outside is wet and grey, so begins another weary day. Also, for some bizarre reason, I have 'DAN MARINADE' (spelt wrong) written on both arms. Quite concerned at first I realise that Jerome has written this on my arm to remind me to prepare a marinade for the chicken for the party barbeque. Sort of like that time he wrote 'Lead Zepplin' on my maths book.
10:00 - Careless of marinade duty, I had dozed off again, only to be rudely awoken once more by Jerome shouting down the phone, I got up, then he phoned again to tell me not to bother as it was 'sorted son'.
11:00 - Silent wincing misery with rotting flatulent snakes in my belly.
12:00 - At the first drop Gym in wantage for pre-match warm up. I dont think I need to describe the pain and humiliation.
14:00 - At Witney for the Rugby. Great game, fortunately I was only super sub and didnt play. Their supporters were hurling abuse, very unBritish, they lost hahaha.
17:00 - George from the club (scored 3 tries) and his nice lady wife give me a lift to the Hare.
19:00 - I arrive the second the party is due to begin. Weather grim, battered Jerome at the gladiators thing, twice, may have over-done it, even still belting him as he plummeted to earth. Felt good. Felt guilty (for about a minute).
20:00 - had to go home and 'pink up'. Come back, have chat with the lovely Lara we confirm she is me bird.
21:00 - Place is heaving, band is loud, rugby boys battering each other in garden. I drop pint of wine and cider mix. Gutted.
23:00 - Sorry I cant recall much of last 2 hours. Jerome makes incoherent speech on microphone punctuated by the occassional YO and COOOM ON there may even have been a DUDE. I'm going to have to speak to him again.
00:00 - Lara goes home.
02:00 - I am monkeyed at this point.
03:30 - Give Jolene piggy back down village, pass out on sofa watching Lord of the rings? and enjoying a lovely cheap sherry.
SUNDAY
10:00 - Get up, play the fat ginger peirce brosnan lookylikey at squash (sorry stephen). He won. Dont agree to play squash when drunk.
12:00 - In Hare for traditional pint with Colin MacInnes
13:00 - My head is spinning already, blame age, carry on drinking 'sunday specials' (cider and coke).
14:00 - Lunch with mother in Eystons. Very Nice.
16:00 - Couple of pints with Lara. Hear Ollie have a shouting match with her mother about her sex life, it finishes with 'and anyway mummy I'm a Virgin'.
18:30 - ish. Dinner with matt and marv in Jade phallus. Followed by le Grand Beverage dans le Oak.
Dunno, 'bout 9ish - in Hare for music nite. See Kim dancing with, and indecently assualting an inflatable woman. Marv boogies with Kim and Jerome.
'bout 10ish - Having a bit of a misguided boogy, stand on Kims foot wearing stealies.
'bout 11ish - The site of Dave Clayton riding an inflatable sheep will haunt my days forever.
c.00:30 - Go home to shuffle off mortal coil.
MONDAY
09:30 - Sitting in chair at doctors. Health check. I am shaking lightly, my liver throbs, I stink of stale booze and I have cold sweat on my finger tips. The dear lady asks the question we all dread - 'how many units of alchohol do you drink a day'......................................
Love and hugs
Dan
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Rant of the Day:-
Linda Barker now has my address, now longer content with assaults upon my living room via the television, the woman is trying to invade every aspect of my life. This morning I recieved a letter from the crab faced bint incorporating pictures of her draped over various naff looking sofas she was trying to flog (apparently shes designed them), well i say I recieved the letter but it was addressed to myself, and to a ms Bshfrd, obviously my invisible twin sister who has trouble with her vowel movements.
On the back of the envelope was the legend - 'if undelivered please return to Linda Barker', dont tempt me.
Just looked on the web, and it appears not just to be me - one interesting link found begins 'the bloody letter was the final straw' and she also appears on the Portsmouth Supporters 'who would you most like to punch' page.
Lyric of the Day:-
Now she sits in and watches all the soaps
Reads romatic novels and vainly hopes
Mary remembers better days than this
A time before she knew fates bitter kiss.
(TMTCH)
Gibber of the Day:-
Here follows one mans chilling account of a horrifically messy weekend.
The Pink party diaries - Episode 1 - The night before.
19:00 - Arrive at Didcot station, bottle of cava in one hand and a bag of dirty laundry in the other. Quite jolly , face a little flushed. Jerome has just been nice to me on the phone, and although I am a little tired, I feel relatively at one with the world.
19:45 - Arrive at the pre-party-party venue, the Easy Arms, I hesitate to use the full name of the establishment as I do not wish to bring down their reputation, as its a rather nice pub. I begin the evening with a small draft of that naughty delight that we called Stowford Press. Face becoming slightly pinker.
20:30 - Am well on my way, food is very nice, Jerome being UberGay in the mistaken belief that this will make him more attractive to ladies. Smoke cigerette, cough lots, drink cider. Face now a light crimson.
21:30 - Corner Graham and start tellinmg him the history of the village. He makes the one vital and foolish mistake when he says 'really thats quite interesting'. Oh dear, with rabid foaming mouth, red eyes and passion (and a bright crimson face) I begin to relate the minutiae of village history, barely pausing for breath as his eyes glaze over and tears of boredom roll down his cheeks.
22:30 - My alehouse tan is now a lucid pink, and we decide to venture forth to the pub those inbred easties refer to as 'The Rabbit'. It will mean leaving behind any further imbibing of the delicious stowford, but I am prepared to accept this in exchange for a few late pints of strongbow (and perhaps a bottle of wine).
00:30 - Vague recollections of dancing, and moronic drunkeness, however the landlord smacks his tankard on the bar to announce a wise but disappointing call for last orders. We have to preserve our strength we are told, for the main event tomorrow.
01:30 - Pass out on sofa spilling booze into crotch. Rugby match in 10 hours.
Next thrilling installment - the day of the Party begins and The Main Event
See you all soon
Dan
Linda Barker now has my address, now longer content with assaults upon my living room via the television, the woman is trying to invade every aspect of my life. This morning I recieved a letter from the crab faced bint incorporating pictures of her draped over various naff looking sofas she was trying to flog (apparently shes designed them), well i say I recieved the letter but it was addressed to myself, and to a ms Bshfrd, obviously my invisible twin sister who has trouble with her vowel movements.
On the back of the envelope was the legend - 'if undelivered please return to Linda Barker', dont tempt me.
Just looked on the web, and it appears not just to be me - one interesting link found begins 'the bloody letter was the final straw' and she also appears on the Portsmouth Supporters 'who would you most like to punch' page.
Lyric of the Day:-
Now she sits in and watches all the soaps
Reads romatic novels and vainly hopes
Mary remembers better days than this
A time before she knew fates bitter kiss.
(TMTCH)
Gibber of the Day:-
Here follows one mans chilling account of a horrifically messy weekend.
The Pink party diaries - Episode 1 - The night before.
19:00 - Arrive at Didcot station, bottle of cava in one hand and a bag of dirty laundry in the other. Quite jolly , face a little flushed. Jerome has just been nice to me on the phone, and although I am a little tired, I feel relatively at one with the world.
19:45 - Arrive at the pre-party-party venue, the Easy Arms, I hesitate to use the full name of the establishment as I do not wish to bring down their reputation, as its a rather nice pub. I begin the evening with a small draft of that naughty delight that we called Stowford Press. Face becoming slightly pinker.
20:30 - Am well on my way, food is very nice, Jerome being UberGay in the mistaken belief that this will make him more attractive to ladies. Smoke cigerette, cough lots, drink cider. Face now a light crimson.
21:30 - Corner Graham and start tellinmg him the history of the village. He makes the one vital and foolish mistake when he says 'really thats quite interesting'. Oh dear, with rabid foaming mouth, red eyes and passion (and a bright crimson face) I begin to relate the minutiae of village history, barely pausing for breath as his eyes glaze over and tears of boredom roll down his cheeks.
22:30 - My alehouse tan is now a lucid pink, and we decide to venture forth to the pub those inbred easties refer to as 'The Rabbit'. It will mean leaving behind any further imbibing of the delicious stowford, but I am prepared to accept this in exchange for a few late pints of strongbow (and perhaps a bottle of wine).
00:30 - Vague recollections of dancing, and moronic drunkeness, however the landlord smacks his tankard on the bar to announce a wise but disappointing call for last orders. We have to preserve our strength we are told, for the main event tomorrow.
01:30 - Pass out on sofa spilling booze into crotch. Rugby match in 10 hours.
Next thrilling installment - the day of the Party begins and The Main Event
See you all soon
Dan
