pintandagibber

Solo Booze Marathon

I did my own version of the marathon....it was hot....I passed out.

Are you an Alcoholic?

Picture the scenario. You are in a swimming pool full of Scrumpy Jack with Kelly Brook, Kylie, and the lovely Kiera Knightley all of whom are un-beclothed, and are giving you the glad eye. What is the first thing you would do?

If you're answer is :

a) Get drunk or b) complain to the management that you'd ordered Stowford Press, not Scrumpy Jack. You may have taste but you have a problem.

One of these things you think about while pick-axing wet mud in the rain.

Another weekend that was comparatively messy, spent all my hard earned disposable cash (before the bank could absorb it) on alcohol and foolish bets on the rugby, and am feeling the Monday guilt and paranoia flowing over me in waves and embracing me like the return of an old friend.

Politics

Dan's Take on a week in politics.

Whilst I will step away from the edge of the main rant I was planning. I have three times in the last week heard politicians say 'Incentivising' which I'm fairly sure is a made up Bush-word. Also, I have heard 2 mininsters "call for a debate" on certain issues. It's the classic get out of jail free that one. Old President Tony came out with it a month or so back "we should have a serious debate about Iraq" he said. Well dear Tony, everybody else has been for the last 3 years, even though YOU weren't prepared to at the last Prime Ministers Questions. Knobber. Anyway, the time to "call for a debate about it" was probably before you sent our extremely professional but grossly ill-equipped forces there.

John Reid. Knob. Sowed the wind, now reaping the whirlwind. Nasty bully.

Tessa "it was all my husband's fault" Jowell. Culture secratary on record as saying we don't need to preserve listed buildings we can record them digitally and knock them down to provide room for new development.

Margaret "Bram Stokers Dracula" Beckett. Dear Tony's very own apologist.

I'll stop there.

Anyway, how are we all?

My Doggy


ERE OY, Blogger Person, whats all this buisness with changing stuff? No, honestly, shine a bright light in my eyes and ask me why I drink too much, or do I want a mortage - go on then lend us 250k! On a serious note, some of us live in the arse end of nowhere and have dial-up connections, I'm sure your graphics are hilarious but (grump grump grump - 12 paragraphs etc).

So set 'em up Joe,
We're gonna have a drink tonight
We're gonna drink until our lives seem right
We'll be drinking to all our friends
Oh ---- 'til it never ends
We'll be asking if the answer lies within
The last glass in this bottle of Gin

I may or may not have been drinking, and I apologise that it is many-a-week since my last confession / post. They now have Stowford Press at the Bunny on the Common - no more walking to the Prancing Pony for quality ale and embarresment, shame yourself on your own doorstep!

Before Christmas, I had two weeks off the sauce, and the reason - I woke up on a Sunday morning with a really bad ache in my side, I thought to myself "oh no, my liver has finally popped". I then lifted my shirt and found a perfect ruby boot shape on my side where I had been stamped during the game the day before. The fact that my first thought was that my liver had popped gave me some time for reflection.

I did think frequently in the intervening period -

Lonelyness won't you make me you friend
I'm sure you'll come for me in the end
I fear not armies, I fear not lies
But being a drunken old bastard with death in his eyes.

Now here's a thought, cross Jeremy Paxman and Jermey Kyle -JEREMY PYLES - daytime TV meets night-time in a fearless chav-baiting, but no-holds barring political interrogation. I can see it now:-

Jeremy Pyles:- Mr Prescott, we have your lie detector test, you have proved yourself to be a liar on national television, YOU ARE A LIAR. Come on sweet, just admit it.

John Prescott:- Happens I seen lady chatterlies loover. A said to her 'appens I must 'av thee. She were reet oop fur eet.

Jeremy Pyles:- Yes, but perhaps Mr blunketts dog couldn't talk.

john Precott:- fully fluent int my language. WOOF WOOF.


ETC ETC

This sums up Christmas

Wassail! wassail! all over the town,
Our toast it is white and our ale it is brown;
Our bowl it is made of the white maple tree;
With the wassailing bowl , we'll drink to thee.

Here's to our horse, and to his right ear,
God send our master a happy new year:
A happy new year as e'er he did see,
With our wassailing bowl we'll drink to thee.

So here is to Cherry and to his right cheek
Pray God send our master a good piece of beef
And a good piece of beef that may we all see
With the wassailing bowl, we'll drink to thee.

Here's to our mare, and to her right eye,
God send our mistress a good Christmas pie;
A good Christmas pie as e'er I did see,
With the wassailing bowl we'll drink to thee

So here is to Broad Mary and to her broad horn
May God send our master a good crop of corn
And a good crop of corn that may we all see
With the wassailing bowl, we'll drink to thee

And here is to Fillpail and to her left ear
Pray God send our master a happy New Year
And a happy New Year as e'er he did see
With the wassailing bowl, we'll drink to thee.

Here's to our cow , and to her long tail,
God send our master us never may fail
Of a cup of good beer : I pray you draw near,
And our jolly wassail it's then you shall hear.

Come butler, come fill us a bowl of the best
Then we hope that your soul in heaven may rest
But if you do draw us a bowl of the small
Then the devil take butler, bowl and all.

Be here any maids? I suppose here be some;
Sure they will not let young men stand on the cold stone!
Sing hey O, maids! come trole back the pin,
And the fairest maid in the house let us all in.

Then here's to the maid in the lily white smock
Who tripped to the door and slipped back the lock
Who tripped to the door and pulled back the pin
For to let these jolly wassailers in


HOHOHOHO

I think I'm pissed again a-ha

Love and hugs

Dan

Labels: Jeremy Pyles

Correction:-

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.

The way to hell is straight and sure
The way to heaven is long.

(Oyster Band - Moving On)

Just a brief Blog today as I havent had a drink, and I'm a bit busy.

My Evil Twin

Apparently, they have pictures of me in The Pluff, dancing at a wedding reception in The Green Dragon that I dont even remember going to. Oh the shame, the shame.

Stake and Chips?

I saw the librarian from buffy the vampire slayer (anthony head) in the booze and burgers section of 21:00 to Didcot on Friday. I was a bit tipsy and am quite proud of myself that I resisted the urge to shout "is there anything left or are you a buffet slayer", and confined myself to a slight bow, which he acknowledged with a chuckle. What a nice chap.

Cheers

Dan

Today is the First Day of the Rest of My Life.

Now, I will be the first to admit I have said this before. On each occassion I must also confirm I have fallen back into the bad ways of my previous lives. However, I shall reach for the sky, and even if I do fall flat on my face, at least it wont be because I fell foul of Champagne Friday at The Prancing Pony.

Its Tom I feel sorry for really, on Sunday I dragged him around all the pubs and things I'd been in over the weekend so that I could apologise. We should have been on a heath in some Shakespearean play - Poor Tom and King Beer eh?!

Song Lyric of the Day:-

Seven day holiday in the rain its June
At the time we were plain old me and you.
It didnt matter that the sky came down
I never really felt like going out
Seven days watching rain inside with you.

Right, better go for now, but heres to healthy food, sobriety, excercise and boredom - hoorah.

Dear Marv, I am very concious that I owe you an account of the chicken lunch this year. It will be coming this week.

Dan